Hey everyone, I’m back…sorta. Just when I think that I am making everything go my way, albeit slowly, I get forcibly reminded that this shit don’t listen to anyone. Kinda like the honey badger.
I have really been trying to MAKE myself be productive, but it’s rather like trying to keep a sand castle together while the tide is coming in. Just when I think that I have managed to do one thing, something else slips out of my grasp. And then things went downhill fast on Friday.
I have learned that I can either walk around town, or I can accomplish things, but I can not do both things at the same time, or even on the same day. If I want to do laundry, I can’t walk or do the dishes. If I want to walk, forget about waxing the floor or cleaning the bathroom. Trust me, when you know what you WANT to do, but you CAN’T manage to do it, it is VERY frustrating.
But then you get forcibly reminded about how far you have come, and how fast it can all be taken away, and then your frustration tones down a wee bit.
On Friday, I walked up to the library. So far, so good. I got in there, and I had my computer to myself, and I started to read things and post. Then I realized that I wasn’t understanding what I read, and I couldn’t make a coherent sentence. After about 45 minutes, I gave up and I made my way home…quickly.
I put myself into the bed, and I stayed there all day. After a while, I became coherent again, but I still kept it easy, as I really didn’t want to repeat what had just happened. BTW, my blood sugar had skyrocketed, which is why I was a bit fuzzy. Why it went up so quickly, and so high, I don’t know.
I went to sleep early that night, and by 9pm I was asleep. But then I awoke at 1:30am, and I couldn’t get to sleep. I had developed a tummy ache, and it was 5am before I could sleep again. I had decided that I would NOT go to the swap meet that day, and all was fine.
Then I woke up again at 6:30am, and after warring with myself, I decided that I needed the money really very much badly, and this was the first of the month, and there should be some good money available if I just went there, so I got up and got dressed, ate, then headed out to my already packed car.
I went to start my car, and it was dead. Well, sorta kinda alive, but dead enough that it wasn’t going to spring to life for me at that moment, or any other, for that matter. At that point I decided that there was a good reason for me to stay home again, and I went back inside, got undressed, and headed back to bed.
Sometimes things happen to us, and we need to listen. I really think that it is time for me to slow down a bit, and to maybe try to be capable and competent another time…say about 6 months from now. Meanwhile, I will try to stay on here, but don’t count on it too much.
I have also decided that it is time to file for some assistance, because no matter how hard I want to get all better, it just isn’t going to happen quickly enough, and it is better to file my paperwork now, and hope for the best. So here I go on a sojourn to get some assistance, it may take me a while to figure out all of the paperwork, but I will manage it somehow.
Wish me luck!